I realized recently that it’s been almost a full year since I wrote anything on this website. I have tried at various times over the last year to sit down and write, but the words just wouldn’t come. But tonight I thought it was probably best to blow the layer of dust off and finally write an update.
And the main update is this: last year my heart broke.
As many people know I was in a pretty serious relationship; it unfortunately ended almost a year ago today. As an engineer, I’m trained to solve problems, often difficult ones. But despite my best efforts, I was unable to fix our relationship when things started to fall apart. I watched, mostly helplessly, as we grew further apart, and whatever magic there had once been slowly dissipated away. When it ended, it was less of a breakup and more the sad admission that it was over.
I won’t lie: it hurt, and I felt pretty lost when it ended. I spent several months being fairly depressed and trying to figure out how to go from a team to a solo player again. One day I forced myself to sit down and look back honestly at everything, hoping that I could start the process of moving forward again. And while nobody was to blame, there were certain things I said and did over the course of the relationship that made me sad when I looked back. I can’t change the past (although I often wish I could), but that day I acknowledged my own failures with the hope that going forward I wouldn’t make the same mistakes again.
While it’s taken me the better part of a year, I’m finally at the place again where I am feeling like my old self. I have started taking singing lessons with the hope of playing a coffee shop sometime this year, and have been spending a lot of time at the gym with the goal of someday seeing if I actually have any abs. I am also getting on a plane again soon and am looking forward to a few new adventures over the next year.
And while this last year was a bit turbulent for me, I’m thankful that I’ve finally put the past behind me and somehow managed to find myself again. Expect future posts in a more timely manner going forward.
In short, I’m back.