Payback, Air Canada

Last modified on May 8th, 2007

You thought this day would never come, didn’t you Air Canada? All your posturing, your laughing. You may not remember us, but we sure remember you. Oh yes, we haven’t forgotten the night we had together, have we precious?

We remember landing in Toronto, coming back from a brief trip to Boston, so anxious to finally get into our own bed in Vancouver and fall asleep later that night. And dream. Yes, we dreamed once. Of fields and sunshine. But it took that from us. Yes, took it from us they did, my precious.

Upon arriving in Toronto, one of its minions came forth, only to announce that our flight home, the last flight of the evening back to the ocean and the mountains was in fact, “toast” as he most eloquently put it. Toasts precious, nasty toasts. We spent that night huddled in the Toronto Airport, trying to find a hotel that would take us. We asked it to give us some kind of compensation, but its toothless minion merely mocked us, laughing at our misfortune. So, we cabbed out of the airport and found a small piece of shit hotel and set up camp for a few hours, on our own expense, and waited in the darkness for another flight to take us home.

And in the time since, we have spent many a night huddled over a computer, scheming, plotting, waiting for our chance to get it back. How it has haunted our dreams, that evil airline. And now, after all this time, we believe we will finally have our chance.

A few minutes ago, we cashed in our aeroplan miles (oh the irony) and booked a flight to Ottawa, on its expense — in business class no less. And we can tell you it still doesn’t fully comprehend the depths of its stupidity, does it precious? But rest assured, in August, as we walk through the doors of the Maple Leaf Lounge in Vancouver, and take seat in front of its free booze, it will know the full extent of its folly. For we will make it pay for that night with every ounce of our liver that we can muster. And we won’ts stop there, will we precious?

“More champagne sir?” Oh yes, we’d love some, wouldn’t we precious?

7 responses to “Payback, Air Canada”

  1. Boris Mann says:

    Oh man. Yeah, maybe we won’t book on the same flight 😛

  2. Gregg says:

    Before now, I never could understand why they keep needing to be bailed out by the government. What could break them financially over and over?

    Now all is clear…..

  3. Hesty says:

    Gregg, is it because Duane will raid their booze supply to the point of bankruptcy?

  4. Dori says:

    I recommend you show up several (like 12?) hours in advance to get started. You know, just to make sure you don’t miss your flight and all.

  5. Tom says:

    Now we’ll so who’s “Master”…

  6. Tom says:

    Sorry, Now we’ll see who’s “Master”….

  7. Clay says:

    I was with you on that fateful night in Toronto…u know how much I loved the whole Toast-gate incident. So now, just to piss on your rainstorm let me tell you my last experience using aeroplan points to go somewhere. I was going to my brother’s wedding in Thailand; I had worked a gig where I was able to amass about a half million points on aeroplan. So I booked that way. I had enough pts to buy two first class round trip tickets…except…well Air Canada doesn’t allow you to use those points for first class in February. Something to do with the moon’s relation to Saturn. So you need to fly a co-share…we’ll put you on Thai Air, they’re the cheapest. How much, you ask, for two tickets? around a half million points. For two middle seats. In the back of the bus. Between fat lady A with two much perfume and fat man B with not nearly enough. Ah well, I had to go, so I booked them. Four days before departure I call up to confirm seats. “Oh, yes, mr. twitch, we have you booked for your flight to Bangkok. But…I don’t see any return flights booked here.” WTF??? So I got a bit irate and said “look…i just spent a year and a half worth of accumulated points…you get me a flight back home.” “Well sir, it’s not our fault, it’s Thai Air’s …pretty much your toast.” A little exploration revealed that it was indeed Air Canada’s fault, and the long and the short of it was that I spent the first 3 days in Bangkok and the first day in Phuket fighting with Air Can’t ada to get a return flight home. At the end of the day they gave us the flight, but only after totally butchering my enjoyment of my holiday. I wrote a nasty letter to them, and they decided to pay me off for my troubles. With 1,500 aeroplan points! A trip to Abbotsford wheeeee!

    So…uh my point is, you may *think* you’re getting the ring-bearer back for wronging you, duagol, but really he’s likely just manipulating you into jumping into the lava with the ring.

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